CORPORATE SPEAK TRANSLATED – Funny Jokes

February 8, 2008 · Print This Article

COMPETITIVE SALARY:
We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors.

JOIN OUR FAST-PACED COMPANY:
We have no time to train you.

CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE:
We dont pay enough to expect that youll dress up-well, a couple of the real daring guys wear earrings.

MUST BE DEADLINE ORIENTED:
Youll be six months behind schedule on your first day.

SOME OVERTIME REQUIRED:
Some time each night and some time each weekend.

DUTIES WILL VARY:
Anyone in the office can boss you around.

MUST HAVE AN EYE FOR DETAIL:
We have no quality control.

CAREER-MINDED:
Female applicants must be childless (and remain that way).

APPLY IN PERSON:
If youre old, fat or ugly youll be told the position has been filled.

NO PHONE CALLS PLEASE:
Weve filled the job, our call for resumes is just a legal formality.

SEEKING CANDIDATES WITH A WIDE VARIETY OF EXPERIENCE: Youll need it to replace three people who just left.

PROBLEM-SOLVING SKILLS A MUST:
Youre walking into a company in perpetual chaos.

REQUIRES TEAM LEADERSHIP SKILLS:
Youll have the responsibilities of a manager, without the pay or respect.

GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS:
Management communicates, you, figure out what they want and do.

IM EXTREMELY ADEPT AT ALL MANNER OF OFFICE ORGANIZATION: Ive used Microsoft Office.

IM HONEST, HARD-WORKING AND DEPENDABLE:

I pilfer office supplies.

MY PERTINENT WORK EXPERIENCE INCLUDES:
I hope you dont ask me about all the McJobs Ive had.

I TAKE PRIDE IN MY WORK:
I blame others for my mistakes.

IM PERSONABLE:
I give lots of unsolicited personal advice to co- workers.

IM EXTREMELY PROFESSIONAL:
I carry a Day-Timer.

I AM ADAPTABLE:
Ive changed jobs a lot.

I AM ON THE GO:
Im never at my desk.

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