YOU’RE A REDNECK IF..

May 22, 2007 · Print This Article

Taking your wife on a cruise means circling the Dairy Queen.

You think the last words to The Star Spangled Banner are “Gentlemen, start your engines.”

You think God looks a lot like Hank Williams, Jr., and heaven looks a lot like Daytona Beach, Florida.

You believe dual air bags refer to your wife and mother-in-law.

Your father executes the “pull my finger” trick during Christmas dinner.

You were acquitted for murdering your first wife after she threw out your Elvis 45’s.

You think the OJ Trial is a Sunkist and Minutemaid taste test.

You’ve got more than one brother named ‘Darryl’.

The people on Jerry Springer’s show remind you of your neighbors

You’ve been married three times and still have the same in-laws.

You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off it’s wheels.

You carried a fishing pole into Sea World.

Your sister is the third generation of women in your family to conceive a baby as a result of an alien abduction.

You think subdivision is part of a math problem.

You think there’s nothin wrong with incest as long as you keep it in the family.

You can get dog hair from out of your belly button.

You think the three primary colors are John Deere Green, Ford Blue, and Primer Gray.

Ya can’t get married to yer sweetheart cause there is a law against it.

The beer can collection in the town museum is the big tourist attraction.

You can change the oil in your truck without ducking your head.

You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.

You know yer a redneck when you take a load to the dump and bring back more than you took

Your whole family is Democrats except little Mary. She got to readin’.

You believe that beef jerky and Moon Pies are two of the major food groups.

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