Cop Humor – Funny Jokes

…..supposedly taken from actual police car videos across the country……

#15 – “Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they’re new.

They’ll stretch out after you wear them awhile.”

#14 – “Take your hands off the car, and I’ll make your

birth certificate a worthless document.”

#13 – “If you run, you’ll only go to jail tired.”

#12 – “Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? In case you didn’t know,

that is the average speed of a 9mm bullet fired from my gun.”

#11 – “So you don’t know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?”

#10 – “Yes, Sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don’t think it will help…

Oh… did I mention that ‘I’ am the shift supervisor?”

#9 – “Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I’m warning you not to do that again

or I’ll give you another ticket.”

#8 – “The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not.

Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?”

#7 – “Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride

on rides and eat cotton candy.”

#6 – “Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven.”

#5 – “In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC.”

#4 – “Just how big were those two beers?”

#3 – “No sir we don’t have quotas anymore. We use to have quotas but now we’re allowed to write as many tickets as we want.”

#2 – “I’m glad to hear the Chief of Police is a good personal friend of yours. At least you know someone who can post your bail.”

…..And…..THE BEST ONE!!!!!

#1 – “You didn’t think we give pretty women tickets? ….You’re right, we don’t.

Sign here.