June 20, 2007 · Print This Article

You sit up all night with a sick dog, but make your wife stay up with a sick kid.
You can fart the first six notes of the Star Spangled Banner.
You can talk for more than 20 minutes on the difference between squirrel and rabbit stew.
You have scars on the back of your hand where Uncle Jeb stabbed you while you were reaching for the last piece of fried chicken.
Your bike has a gun rack on it.
The UFO hotline limits you to one call a day.
Your grandmother has ever stopped by the side of a highway to take a leak.
You think that Dom Perignon is a mafia leader.
The most commonly heard phrase at your family reunion is “What the hell are you looking at, Shithead?”
You think that beef jerky and Moon Pies are two of the major food groups.
You think a Volvo is part of a woman’s anatomy.
You think that the Styrofoam cooler is the greatest invention of all time.
You’ve been too drunk to fish.
You’ve had to remove a toothpick for wedding pictures.
You ever used a weedeater indoors.
You have a rag for a gas cap (on a car that does run).
You look upon a family reunion as a chance to meet `Ms. Right’
You have to go outside to get something out of the ‘fridge.
Your idea of a 7-course meal is a bucket of KFC and a six-pack.
Someone asks to see your ID and you show them your belt buckle.
You have lost at least one tooth opening a beer bottle.
Jack Daniel’s makes your list of “most admired people”.
You won’t stop at a rest area if you have an empty beer can in the car.
Your wife has a beer belly and you find it attractive.
Your house doesn’t have curtains, but your truck does.
You consider your license plate personalized because your dad made it in prison.
You have been fired from a construction job because of your appearance.
You need an estimate from your barber before you get a haircut.
You have flowers planted in a bathroom appliance in your front yard.
Your mother comes outta the bathroom and says, “Y’all come look at this before flush it!”
You mow your lawn and find a car.
If going to the bathroom in the middle of the night involves putting on shoes (if you have them) a jacket and grabbing a flashlight.
You go Christmas shopping for your mom, sister, and girlfriend, and you only need to buy one gift.
You consider pork and beans to be a gourmet food.
You participate in the “who can spit tobacco the farthest contest”.
You roll you hair with soup cans and wash it once a year.
You consider a three-piece suit to be: a pair of overalls, a plaid flannel shirt and thermal underwear.
The fifth grade is referred to as “your senior year.”
When you leave your house, you are followed by federal agents of the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms, and the only thing you worry about is if you can lose them or not.
You have 5 cars that are immobile and a house that is!
Your gene pool doesn’t have a “deep end.”
Your `huntin’ dawg’ cost more than the truck you drive him around in.
Your belt buckle weighs more than three pounds.
You think that safe sex is a padded headboard on the waterbed.
It’s easier to spray weed killer on your lawn than mow it.
You think that John Deere Green, Ford Blue, and Primer Gray are the three primary colors.
Your idea of talking during sex is “Ain’t no cars coming, baby!”
The tobacco chewers in your family aren’t just the men.
When you see a sign that says, “Say No To Crack!” it reminds you to pull up your jeans.
Your beer can collection is considered a tourist attraction in your hometown.
The most serious loss from the earthquake was your Conway Twitty record collection.
You have spent more on your pickup truck than on your education.
You ever hit a deer with your car… on purpose! ”
You can tell your age by the number of rings in the bathtub.
You’re a lite beer drinker, because you start drinking when it gets light.
In tough situations you ask yourself, “What would Curly do?”.
Taking your wife on a cruise means circling the Dairy Queen.
You think the last words to the Star Spangled Banner are “Gentlemen, start your engines” or “Play Ball…”
Your child’s first words are “Attention K-Mart shoppers!”.
You can belch and say your name at the same time.
You ever had sex in a satellite dish.
You hit a bump in the road and lose half of your worldly possessions.


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