June 20, 2007 · Print This Article

You think “taking out the trash” means taking your in-laws to a movie.
You have every episode of Hee-Haw on tape.
You’ve ever been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog.
Your kids take a siphon hose to “Show and Tell.”
The dogcatcher calls for a backup unit when visiting your house.
You think a hot tub is a stolen bathroom fixture.
The gas pedal on your car is shaped like a bare foot.
You prefer car keys to Q-tips.
You take a fishing pole into Sea World.
You think a turtleneck is key ingredient for soup.
You’ve ever stood in line to have your picture taken with a freak of nature.
You think the French Riviera is foreign car.
Your toilet paper has page numbers on it.
You own more than three shirts with the sleeves cut off.
You’ve ever spray painted your girlfriend’s name on an overpass.
Your pocketknife often doubles as a toothpick.
You own a denim leisure suit.
Your dog has a litter of puppies on the living room floor and nobody notices.
The dog can’t watch you eat without gagging.
You have a Hefty Bag for a passenger-side window.
You ever hit on somebody in a VD clinic.
You bought a VCR because wrestling is on while you’re at work.
Your father executes the “pull my finger” trick during Christmas dinner.
You cut your toenails in front of company.
You’ve ever heard a sheep bleat and had romantic thoughts.
You consider “Outdoor Life” deep reading.
You call your boss “dude”.
You have grease under your toenails.
You’ve ever cleaned fish in your living room.
You have refused to watch the Academy Awards since “Smokey and the Bandit” was snubbed for best picture.
The rear tires on your car are at least twice as wide as the front ones.
The diploma hanging in your den contains the words “Trucking Institute”.
Your mother keeps a spit cup on the ironing board.
You’ve ever worn a tube top to a wedding.


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