June 20, 2007 · Print This Article

Your mama can back down a biker.
You ever named a child after a dog.
Your truck has a new sunroof because the shotgun fell off the rack when you slammed the door.
Your sister’s education goal is to get out of high school before she gets pregnant.
You walk your dog & you both use the same tree down on the corner.
A family feud arises Sunday morning between family members who want to watch Jimmy Swaggart and those who want to watch WWF.
A fancy night out for your family is a jaunt through the drive thru window at Hardee’s.
All of your four letter words are two syllables.
Dressing up is wearing the flannel shirt without any rips in it.
Fifth grade was the best six years of your life.
Hitchhikers won’t get in the car with you.
Your idea of foreplay is, “Get in the truck, bitch!”
Motel 6 turns off the lights when they see you coming.
People hear your car a long time before they see it.
The cockroaches left you a note saying, “Clean this place up!”
Your girl wears a dress that is strapless and a bra that is not.
You have to wash your hands before going to the bathroom.
Your mom French kisses better than your sister.
On Sunday’s people stop by to ask if you’re having a yard sale and you’re not.
When you take your trash to the dump and you return home with more stuff than you left with.
Your family tree doesn’t fork.
Your hairdo has ever been ruined by a ceiling fan.
Your mother has gotten into a fistfight at a high school sports event.
Your parakeet knows the phrase “Open up, Police!”
You ever barbecued Spam on the grill.
You think the best way to keep things cold is to leave ’em in the shade.
The neighbors started a petition over your Christmas lights.
Your brother-in-law is your uncle.
Your mother doesn’t remove the Marlboro from her lips before telling the State Trooper to kiss her ass.
You think the play The King and I is about Elvis.
You ever listed fuzzy dice on an insurance claim.
Your trolling motor used to be a fan in a barbershop.
You list tick removal as a skill on your resume.
You use an ironing board as a knick-knack shelf.
You think the Battle of the Bulge is an argument between your wife and your mother.
You’ve ever driven around looking for your porch roof after a bad storm.
Your nicest towels say, “Property of Motel 6”.
You get your daily requirement of fiber from toothpicks.
The photo on your driver’s license includes your dog.

Your wife’s job requires her to wear an orange vest.
You were shooting pool when any of your kids were born.
You have the local taxidermist’s number on speed dial.
Your school fight song was “Dueling Banjos”.
You think a chain saw is a musical instrument.
You’ve ever given rattraps as gifts.
You clean your fingernails with a stick.
Your coffee table used to be a cable spool.
You keep a can of RAID on the kitchen table.
Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.
Your mother has “ammo” on her Christmas list.
Every socket in your house breaks a fire code.
You’ve totaled every car you’ve ever owned.
There has ever been crime-scene tape on your bathroom door.
You’ve ever been kicked out of the zoo for heckling the monkeys.
The taillight covers of your car are made of red tape.
You think a subdivision is part of a math problem.
You’ve ever bathed with flea and tick soap.


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