May 23, 2007 · Print This Article

1. Jesus loves you… everyone else thinks you’re an asshole.
2. Impotence: Nature’s way of saying “No hard feelings”
3. The proctologist called, they found your head.
4. Everyone has a photographic memory; some just don’t have film.
5. Save Your Breath… You’ll need it to blow up your date!
6. Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.
7. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
8. WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship.
9. Hang up and drive.
10. If you can read this, I can slam on my brakes and sue you!
11. Heart Attacks… God’s Revenge For Eating His Animal Friends
12. Your ridiculous little opinion has been noted.
13. Try not to let your mind wander. It is too small to be out by itself.
14. Some people just don’t know how to drive. I call these people “Everybody But Me.”
15. Don’t like my driving? Then quit watching me.
16. Guys, just because you have one, doesn’t mean you have to be one.
17. Welcome to America…Now speak English


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