June 1, 2007 · Print This Article

1. Constipated People Don’t Give A Crap.
2. Practice Safe Sex, Go Screw Yourself.

3. If You Drink Don’t Park, Accidents Cause People.

4. Who Lit The Fuse On Your Tampon?

5. If You Don’t Believe In Oral Sex, Keep Your

Mouth Shut.

6. Please Tell Your Pants Its Not Polite To Point.

7. If That Phone Was Up Your Butt, Maybe You Could

Drive A Little Better.

8. My Kid Got Your Honor Roll Student Pregnant.

9. Thank You For Pot Smoking.

1 0. To All You Virgins Thanks For Nothing.

11. If At First You Don’t Succeed…blame Someone

Else And Seek Counseling.

12. Impotence: Nature’s Way Of Saying “No Hard


13. If You Can Read This, I’ve Lost My Trailer.

14. Horn Broken… Watch For Finger.

15. It’s Not How You Pick Your Nose, But Where You

Put The Booger.

16. If You’re Not A Hemorrhoid, Get Off My Ass.

17. You’re Just Jealous Because The Voices Are

Talking To Me

18. The Earth Is Full – Go Home

19. I Have The Body Of A God… Buddha

20. This Would Be Really Funny If It Weren’t

Happening To Me

21. So Many Pedestrians – So Little Time

22. Cleverly Disguised As A Responsible Adult

23. If We Quit Voting Will They All Go Away?

24. The Face Is Familiar But I Can’t Quite Remember

My Name

25. Eat Right, Exercise, Die Anyway

26. Illiterate? Write For Help

27. Honk If Anything Falls Off

28. Cover Me I’m Changing Lanes

29. He Who Hesitates Is Not Only Lost But Miles

From The Next Exit

30. I Refuse To Have A Battle Of Wits With An

Unarmed Person

31. You! Out Of The Gene Pool!

32. I Do Whatever My Rice Krispies Tell Me To

33. Where Are We Going

And Why Am I In This Handbasket?

34. It’s Been Lovely But I Have To Scream Now

35. I Haven’t Lost My Mind, It’s Backed Up On Disk


36. If You Can Read This, The Bitch Fell Off…

[Seen On The Back Of A Biker’s Vest]

37. If Sex Is A Pain In The Ass, Then You’re Doing

It Wrong…

38. Fight Crime: Shoot Back!

39. If You Can Read This, Please Flip Me Back

Over..[Seen Upside Down, On A Jeep]

40. Remember Folks: Stop Lights Timed For 35mph Are

Also Timed For 70mph.

41. Guys: No Shirt, No Service Gals: No Shirt, No Charge

[Reported To Be Seen On A Restaurant]

42. If Walking Is So Good For You, Then Why Does My

Mailman Look Like Jabba The Hut?

43. Necrophillia: That Uncontrollable Urge to Crack

Open A Cold One.

44. Ax Me About Ebonics

45. Body By Nautilus; Brain By Mattel

46. Boldly Going Nowhere

47. Cat: The Other White Meat

48. Caution – Driver Legally Blonde!

49. Don’t Be Sexist – Broads Hate That

50. Heart Attacks… God’s Revenge For Eating His

Animal Friends

51. Honk If You’ve Never Seen An Uzi Fired From A

Car Window

52. How Many Roads Must A Man Travel Down Before He

Admits He Is Lost?

53. If You Can’t Dazzle Them With Brilliance,

Riddle Them With Bullets.

54. Money Isn’t Everything, But It Sure Keeps The

Kids In Touch

55. Saw It… Wanted It… Threw A Fit… Got It!

56. Warning! Driver Only Carries $20.00 In


57. What Has Four Legs And An Arm?

A Happy Pit Bull

58. Peta – People Eating Tasty Animals


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