What do you get?

What’s the definition of macho?
A. Jogging home from your own vasectomy.

What do you call cheese that isn’t yours?
A. Nacho Cheese.

Why don’t blind people like to sky dive?
A. Because it scares the hell out of the dog.

What do you call Santa’s helpers?
A. Subordinate Clauses.

What do you call four bullfighters in quicksand?
A. Quattro sinko.

How do you double the value of a Neon?
A. Fill the gas tank.

What do you get when you cross a snowman with a Vampire?
A. Frostbite.

What’s the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
A. Anyone can roast beef.

Why is divorce so expensive?
A. Because it’s worth it.

What has four legs, is big, green, fuzzy and would kill you if it fell
out of a tree? A. A pool table.

What’s the difference between a lawyer and God?
A. God doesn’t think he’s a lawyer.

What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A. A nervous wreck.

Where do you find a dog with no legs?
A. Right where you left him.

Why are there so many Smiths in the phone book?
A. They all have phones.

Why do bagpipers walk when they play?
A. They’re trying to get away from the noise.

Why do gorillas have big nostrils?
A. They have big fingers.

What is a zebra?
A. An undergarment that’s 26 sizes larger than an “A” bra.

Did you hear about the flasher who was thinking about retiring?
A. He decided to stick it out one more year.

What do you get when you cross a pit bull with a collie?
A. A dog that runs for help….after he bits your leg off.