Ways To Make Big Brother TV Show More Exciting

10. For every exotic dancer voted out, two must move in

9. Seal off all exits; flood house with a foot of water every hour

8. Give each person a bottle of gin and some ninja throwing stars

7. Two words: Dick Cheney

6. Have them share public’s suffering by forcing them to watch “Big Brother”

5. Every two weeks, somebody has to marry Darva Conger

4. Instead of a house, make it an island — call the show “Survivor”

3. Remove all food from house — make them vote on whom to eat next

2. 10 strangers, 3 months, 1 house, 6 West Nile mosquitoes