Question and Answer Jokes

What’s the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
45 lbs.

What’s the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
45 minutes.

How many women does it take to change a light bulb?
None, they just sit there in the dark and bitch.

What’s the fastest way to a man’s heart?
Through his chest with a sharp knife

What have men and floor tiles got in common?
If you lay them properly the first time, you can walk all over them for life.

Why do men want to marry virgins?
They can’t stand criticism.

Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive,caring, and good looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends.

What’s the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.

What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.

What is the biggest problem for an atheist?
No one to talk to during orgasm.

What do you call a smart blonde?
A golden retriever.

Who is the most popular guy at the nudist colony?
The guy who can carry a cup of coffee in each hand and a dozen donuts.

Who is the most popular girl at the nudist colony?
She is the one who can eat the last donut!

Why does the bride always wear white?
Because it’s good for the dishwasher to match the stove and refrigerator.

A brunette, a blonde, and a redhead are all in third grade. Who has the biggest boobs?
The blonde, because she’s 18.

Which sexual position produces the ugliest children?
Ask your mom.

How do you know when you’re really ugly?
Dogs hump your leg with their eyes closed.

What is the quickest way to clear out a men’s restroom?
Say, “Nice Dick.”

How do you know when you’re leading a sad life?
When a nymphomaniac tells you, “Lets just be friends.”

Why don’t bunnies make noise when they have sex?
Because they have cotton balls.

Why is being in the Military like a blowjob?
The closer you get to discharge, the better you feel.

What do you call a 90 year old man who can still masturbate?
Miracle Whip.

What does a 75 year old woman have between her breasts?
Her navel.

What has a whole bunch of little balls and screws old ladies?
A Bingo Machine.

What’s the difference between a porcupine and a BMW?
A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.