Music History Jokes

July 18, 1966
“Let’s let Ringo sing one. No harm in that, is there?”

September 22, 1968
Baffled by audiences’ lack of enthusiasm about a deaf, dumb and blind shuffleboard champ, Pete Townshend heads dejectedly down to the corner pub.

September 2, 1997
Lou Bega finishes “Mambo #4,” decides his symphony needs one more movement.

May 4, 1956
In Toronto, Neil Young’s tonsillectomy causes no damage to his larynx, thereby not robbing him of his voice.

July 29, 1974
“Soup or sandwich today, Ms. Cass?”

November 8, 1980
Mark David Chapman can’t quite scrounge up $50 for shooting lessons. A month later, his attempted assassination of Yoko Ono goes horribly awry.

September 6, 1977
Due to a misprint on his high school schedule, Kenny G. attends “Sax Education” class.

March 30, 1968
An alien craft leaves a baby on the doorstep of the Dion farm just outside of Montreal, Canada.

65,000,000 BC
Keith Richards crawls out of the primordial soup.

April 10, 1980
Andrew Lloyd Webber hears a cat fight in the alley behind his house. Out of nowhere, a light bulb appears above his head.

August 4, 1956
Buddy Holly decides it’s high time to overcome that flying phobia.

July 13, 1964
Herman’s Hermits stop in at Henry the Eighth’s Tobacco Shoppe and are loudly greeted by the owner.

January 17, 1968
Charles Manson purchases a copy of the Beatles’ White Album.

July 27, 1980
Phil Collins has a dream in which he quits Genesis and becomes fabulously wealthy.

March 14, 1971
Little Michael Jackson stubs his toe, lets out a high-pitched “Wooooo!” and gingerly walks backwards 10 feet.

July 23, 1956
Colonel Tom Parker says to Elvis, “Boy, you’re nothin’ but skin and bones. You better put on some weight, or people are gonna think you’re sick!”

October 31, 1975
At a costume party in Greenwich Village, a soldier, an Indian, a biker, a construction worker, a cop and a cowboy all decide, “This is way too much fun to do just once a year!”

December 11, 1971
William Shatner, listening to radio, softly begins to sing along.

March 8, 1990
A well-meaning friend tells Britney Spears that she has a nice belly button.

October 5, 1955
While tripping on acid, John Lennon hears Yoko Ono scream after striking her thumb with a hammer — and dashes to the tape recorder.

April 7, 1975
Furious over his girlfriend’s constant unsolicited lyric suggestions, Barry Manilow decides to tell her, once and for all, just who writes the songs.