Testicles – Funny Jokes

February 27, 2008

A three-year-old little boy was examining his testicles while taking a bath.

“Mom,” he asked, “are these my brains?”

“Not yet,” replied his mother.

Management Decision – Funny Jokes

February 27, 2008

The boss was in a quandry. He had to fire somebody. He had it narrowed down to one of two people, Katie or Jack. It was an impossible decision, they were both super workers.

Rather than flip a coin, he decided he would fire the first one who used the water cooler the next morning.

Katie came in the next morning with a horrible hang-over after partying all night. She went straight to the water cooler to take an aspirin. The boss approached her and said, “Katie, I’ve never done this before, but I have to lay you or Jack off.”

“I’d rather you jack off,” she replied. “I really feel like shit this morning!”

TWO SCOTTISH NUNS – Funny Jokes

February 27, 2008

Two Scottish nuns have just arrived in the USA by boat and one says to the other, “I hear that the people of this country actually eat dogs.” “Odd,” her companion replies, “but if we shall live in America, we might as well do as the Americans do.”

Nodding emphatically, the mother superior points to a hot dog vendor and they both walk toward the cart. “Two dogs, please,” says one. The vendor is very pleased to ovlige, wraps both hot dogs in foil and hands them over. Excited, the nuns hurry to a bench and begin to unwrap their ‘dogs’. The mother superior is first to open hers. She begins to blush and then, staring at it for a moment, leans to the other nun and whispers cautiously, “What part did you got?”

THE SPORTS FAN – Funny Jokes

February 27, 2008

Alexander Potter was a sports fan whose face was always either buried in the sports pages or transfixed by the television screen. One night as he lay in bed next to his wife watching a football game, she got up, walked across the room and unplugged the television set. “Hey,” Alex shouted, “what do you think you’re doing?”

“I am sick of sports, and I’m sick of TV,” his wife replied. “You haven’t touched me in months. We’re going to talk about sex right now!” “Okay, Okay. So…” After a moment, he asked, “How often do you think Brett Favre gets laid?”

THE STAR AND THE CHEERLEADER – Funny Jokes

February 27, 2008

During preseason training, a college football lineman married one of the team’s cheerleaders. The coach was a bit surprised and remarked to his star football player, “You are such a big, burley guy. Why in the world did you marry such a tiny, petite woman? She is no bigger than your hand.” “That’s right, Coach,” replied the lineman. “But, she’s much better!”

Three Daughters – Funny Jokes

February 27, 2008

There were three daughters and they all wanted to get married but they couldn’t afford it and neither could there parents. So the parents said “We will give you all a joint wedding and then you will all be able to get married”.

So they got married and all three daughters then said “I want a honeymoon but we cant afford it”. The parents couldn’t afford it either so they decided they would have the honeymoon at their parents house.

So on there honeymoon night their mother woke up and decided to go downstairs and get a drink. On the way down she heard the first daughter screaming but she just ignored it. When she reached the second daughters bedroom she could hear laughing and just ignored it. When she reached the third daughters room she could hear nothing and decided to ignore it.

The next morning at the breakfast table she said to the first daughter “Why were you screaming? And the daughter replied “Well mother you told me to scream when something hurt.”

Then the mother said to the second daughter “Why were you laughing last night?” and the daughter replied “Mother you told me to laugh when something tickled”.

Then the mother said to the last daughter “Why didn’t I hear anything coming from your room last night?” and the daughter replied “Well mother you told me never to talk with my mouth full”.

FIGHTING NUNS – Funny Jokes

February 27, 2008

One day there were four nuns in line for confessional.

The first nun said, “Forgive me, father, for I have sinned.”

He asked how.

She said “I saw a man’s private part.” He told her to wash her eyes with holy water.

The second nun comes in and says, “Forgive me, father, for I have sinned.”

He asked how.

“I touched a man’s private parts.” He told her to wash her hands in holy water.

Then he heard the third and fourth nun fighting. He asked why they were fighting.

The fourth nun said, “I’m not going to wash my mouth in the holy water if she is going to sit in it.”

Old Ain’t For Sissies – Funny Jokes

February 27, 2008

TAKING A WOMAN TO BED

What is the difference between girls/woman aged: 8, 18, 28, 38, 48, 58. 68, and 78 ?

At 8 — You take her to bed and tell her a story.

At 18 — You tell her a story and take her to bed.

At 28 — You don’t need to tell her a story to take her to bed.

At 38 — She tells you a story and takes you to bed.

At 48 — She tells you a story to avoid going to bed.

At 58 — You stay in bed to avoid her story.

At 68 — If you take her to bed, that’ll be a story!

At 78 — What story??? What bed??? Who the hell are you???

THE NEW STORK – Funny Jokes

February 27, 2008

A little boy goes to his father and asks ‘Daddy, how was I born?’

The father answers, ‘Well, son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway! Your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo. Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared that said:

‘You got Male!’

BLACK TESTICLES – Funny Jokes

February 27, 2008

A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose.

A young, student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath. ‘Nurse’, he mumbles almost incoherently, from behind the mask. ‘Are my testicles black?’

Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, ‘I don’t know, Sir. I’m only here to wash your upper body and feet.’ He struggles to ask again, ‘Nurse, please check. Are my testicles black?’

Concerned that he may elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worry about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and pulls back the covers. She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles in the other.

Then, she takes a close look and says, There’s nothing wrong with them, Sir!’

The man pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her and says very slowly,

‘Thank you very much. That was wonderful, but, listen very, very closely…….

A r e – m y – t e s t – r e s u l t s – b a c k ?

« Previous PageNext Page »