Dr. Seuss Explains Computers – Funny Jokes

October 4, 2007

(Please read aloud for maximum effect.) If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port, and the bus is interrupted as a very last resort, and the address of the memory makes your floppy disk abort, then the socket packet pocket has an error to report. If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash, and the double-clicking icon puts your window in the trash, and your data is corrupted ’cause the index doesn’t hash, then your situation’s hopeless and your system’s gonna crash. If the label on the cable on the table at your house, says the network is connected to the button on your mouse, but your packets want to tunnel on another protocol, that’s repeatedly rejected by the printer down the hall, and your screen is all distorted by the side effects of gauss, so your icons in the window are as wavy as a souse, then you may as well reboot it and go out with a bang, ’cause as sure as I’m a poet, your system’s gonna hang. When the copy of your floppy’s getting sloppy on the disk, and the microcode instructions cause unnecessary risk, when you have to flash your memory and try to RAM your ROM, quickly turn off the computer and be sure to call your Mom!!


June 8, 2007

‘Twas the night before Thanksgiving and all through the kitchen; I was cooking and baking and moanin’ and bitchin’. I’ve been here for hours, I can’t stop to rest, this rooms a disaster, just look at this mess! Tomorrow I’ve got thirty people to feed. They expect all the trimmings. Who cares what I need! My feet are both blistered, I’ve got cramps in my legs. The cat just knocked over a bowl full of eggs. There’s a knock at the door and the telephone’s ringing; frosting drips on the counter as the microwave’s dinging. Two pies in the oven, dessert’s almost done; my cookbook is soiled with butter and crumbs. I’ve had all I can stand, I can’t take anymore; Then in walks my husband, spilling rum on the floor. He weaves and he wobbles, his balance unsteady; then grins as he chuckles “The eggnog is ready !” He looks all around and with total regret, says “What’s taking so long….aren’t you through in here yet ??” As quick as a flash I reach for a knife; He loses an earlobe; I wanted his life! He flees from the room in terror and pain and screams “MY GOODNESS WOMAN, YOU’RE GOING INSANE !!” Now what was I doing, and what is that smell ? Oh, darn, it’s the pies !! They’re burned all to hell I hate to admit when I make a mistake, but I put them on BROIL instead of on BAKE. What else can go wrong ?? Is there still more ahead ?? If this is good living, I’d rather be dead. Lord, don’t get me wrong, I love holidays; It just leaves me exhausted, all shaky and dazed. But I promise you one thing, If I live till next year, You won’t find me pulling my hair out in here. I’ll hire a maid, a cook, and a waiter; and if that doesn’t work, I’LL HAVE IT ALL CATERED Have a wonderful day.