October 19, 2007

George Bush goes to a primary school to talk to the kids to get a little PR. After his talk he offers question time.
One little boy puts up his hand and George asks him his name.
“Stanley,” responds the little boy.
“And what is your question, Stanley?”
“I have 4 questions:
First, why did the USA invade Iraq without the support of the UN?
Second, why are you President when Al Gore got more votes?
Third, whatever happened to Osama Bin Laden?”
Fourth, why are we so worried about gay-marriage when 1/2 of all Americans don’t have health insurance?
Just then, the bell rings for recess. George Bush informs the kiddies that they will continue after recess.
When they resume George says, “OK, where were we? Oh, that’s right, question time. Who has a question?”

Another little boy puts up his hand. George points him out and asks him his name.
“Little Johnny” he responds.
“And what is your question, Little Johnny?”
“Actually Sir, I have 6 questions:
First, why did the USA invade Iraq without the support of the UN?
Second, why are you President when Al Gore got more votes?
Third, whatever happened to Osama Bin Laden?
Fourth, why are we so worried about gay marriage when 1/2 of all Americans don’t have health insurance?
Fifth, why did the recess bell go off 20 minutes early?


October 4, 2007

Little Johnny was in his nursery class when the teacher asked the children what their fathers did for a living. All the typical answers came up – fireman, policeman, salesman, etc… Johnny was being uncharacteristically quiet and so the teacher asked him about his father. “My father’s an exotic dancer in a gay cabaret and takes off all his clothes in front of other men. Sometimes, if the offer’s really good, he’ll go out to the alley with some screaming fag and have sex with them.” The teacher, obviously shaken by this statement, hurriedly set the other children to work on some colouring, and took little Johnny aside to ask him, “Is that really true about your father?” “No,” said Johnny, “he plays for the Leafs but I was too embarrassed to say so”.

Little Johnny Be careful what you say to kids – Funny Jokes

October 4, 2007

Little Johnny was staying with his grandmother for a few days. He’d been playing outside for a while when he came into the house and asked her, “Grandma, what is it called when people are sleeping on top of each other?” She was a little taken aback, but decided to tell him the truth. “It’s called sexual intercourse, darling.” Little Johnny just said, “OK” and went back outside to play. A few minutes later he came back in and said angrily, “Grandma, it is not called sexual intercourse! It’s called bunk beds!”

Little Johnny and AUNT KAREN – Funny Jokes

October 4, 2007

The teacher gave her class an assignment: Have their parents tell them a story with a moral. The next day the kids returned with their stories. Little Ashley said, “I live on a farm and we have a lot of hens. One time we were taking our eggs to market when my little brother dropped the basket and they all broke. So the moral of this story is, ‘Don’t put all your eggs in one basket!'” “Very good,” said the teacher. Next Sarah raised her hand and said, “Our family are farmers too, but we raise chickens for meat. We had a dozen eggs one time, but when they hatched we only got five live chicks. The moral is, ‘Don’t count your chickens before they hatch!'” “Very good, Sarah. Now Little Johnny, do you have a story?” “My daddy told me this story about Aunt Karen. She was a fighter pilot in Desert Storm and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a bottle of whiskey, a machine gun and a machete. She drank the whiskey on the way down so it wouldn’t break, then she landed in the middle of 100 Iraqi troops. She killed 70 of them with the machine gun until she ran out of bullets, then she killed 20 more with the machete till the blade broke. Then she chased down and strangled the last 10 with her bare hands.” “Good heavens,” said the horrified teacher, “what kind of moral did your daddy tell you from that horrible story?” And his reply — “Stay the hell away from Aunt Karen when she’s been drinking!

Indefinitely Little Johnny- Funny Jokes

October 3, 2007

A teacher asks her class if anyone could use the word ‘indefinitely’ in a sentence. Well, Little Johnny has his hand raised in the back of the class.

But the teacher knows he’s a trouble maker and that he doesn’t know the answer, so she calls on Jim.

Jim replies, “Due to the weather, school was canceled indefinitely.” “Good” the teacher replies. “What about you Jenny?” Jenny says, “Since the bus broke down, transportation was stopped indefinitely.”

The teacher then says that the sentence was too much like the other one, and she asks if anyone can use it in a different way. So there’s Little Johnny waving his hand. And the teacher thinks … (Maybe he really does know the answer), so she calls on him. Johnny stands up and says,

“As I felt my balls slap off her ass, I knew that I was in definitely!

Little Johnny and His Goldfish – Funny Jokes

October 2, 2007

One day Little Johnny is in his back yard digging a hole. His neighbor, seeing him there, decides to investigate. “Whatcha doin?” he asks.

Little Johnny replies, “My goldfish died and I’m burying him.”

“That’s an awful big hole for a goldfish, ain’t it?” asked the neighbor.

Little Johnny shouts back, “That’s because he’s inside your fucking cat!”

Little Johnny in Math Class – Funny Jokes

October 2, 2007

Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question, “Johnny, if there were 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left?”

“None”, replied Johnny, “cause the rest would fly away.”

“Well the answer is 4,” said the teacher, “but I like the way you’re thinking.”

Little Johnny says, “I have a question for you. If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one was licking her cone, the second was biting her cone, and the third is sucking her cone, which one is married?”

“Well”, said the teacher nervously, “I guess the one sucking the cone.”

“No,” said little Johnny, “the one with the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you’re thinking.”


August 21, 2007

Little Johnny greeted his grandmother with a hug and said, “I’m so happy to see you grandma. Now maybe daddy will do the trick he has been promising us.”
The grandmother was curious. “What trick is that my dear,” she asked.

Little Johnny replied, “I heard daddy tell mommy that he would climb the damn walls if you came to visit us again.”


August 21, 2007

Little Johnny’s father had just returned home from a business trip, and he had a romantic evening planned with his wife. So, he sent his two older kids to the movies, but he couldn’t persuade Little Johnny to go along.
Finally, he made a deal with Little Johnny, “If you go sit outside of the house, I’ll give you five dollars for every man you see go by in a red hat.”

An excited Little Johnny agreed.

Some time later, Little Johnny ran into the house and up to his parents bedroom. He banged on the door and shouted, “Hey, Dad, if you think your getting screwed in THERE, just wait until you come outside ’cause there’s a Shriners parade going past our house.”


August 21, 2007

Little Johnny asked his Sunday school teacher, “Do you think Noah did a lot of fishing when he was on the Ark?”
The teacher said, “I imagine he did.”

Little Johnny asked, “Well, he couldn’t have caught many, with only two worms.”

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