Alien’s Watching Golf

An alien spacecraft was in the sky over a golf course one sunny Sunday. Two aliens on break watched a single golfer in amazement.

The golfer shanked his tee shot, duffed his second into the rough, took two shots but unfortunately sliced the second into the bushes. He punched the ball a few times and it landed on the fairway.

The first alien says “he must be playing some sort of weird game” and with patients, they continued to watch.

The golfer snapped his next shot into the green-side bunker, took three shots to get it on to the green. FINALLY, after several putts, one finally ends it in the hole…

The second with a curious look on his face says “Wow, now he is in serious trouble!”

If you liked OR didn’t like this joke, please leave me your comments… I’ll continue to search for the funny good jokes… Your friend, BS

Golf Hazard

This is a picture post…

Earl gets a Mulligan

Earl won first prize at a Father’s Day tournament which was an envelope.

When he opened the envelope, he was very surprised to find a voucher for a free visit to a brothel. He had never been to one before but he decided to go the next day even though he was very nervous.

The girls were very friendly and soon he found a lovely young lady and went with her to her room.

Five minutes later, she came running to the Madam and asked,

“Can you tell me what a Mulligan is?”

PERFECT TEE SHOT – Funny Jokes

A guy stood over his tee shot for what seemed an eternity, looking up, looking down, measuring the distance, figuring the wind direction and speed. He was driving his partner nuts. Finally his exasperated partner says, “What’s taking so long? Hit the blasted ball!”

The guy answers, “My wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse. I want to make this a perfect shot.”

“Forget it, man;” said his partner, “you don’t stand a snowball’s chance in hell of hitting her from here!”

FOUR GOLF OLD-TIMERS – Funny Jokes

Four old-timers were playing their weekly game of golf, and one remarked how nice it would be to wake up on Christmas morning, roll out of bed and without an argument go directly to the golf course, meet his buddies and play a round. His buddies all chimed in and said, “Let’s do it! We’ll make it a priority, figure out a way and meet here early Christmas morning.”
Months later, that special morning arrives, and there they are on the golf course.

The first guy says, “Boy this game cost me a fortune! I bought my wife such a diamond ring that she can’t take her eyes off it.”

Number 2 guy says, “I spent a ton, too. My wife is at home planning the cruise I gave her. She was up to her eyeballs in brochures.”

Number 3 guy says, “Well my wife is at home admiring her new car, reading the manual.”

They all turned to the last guy in the group who is staring at them like they’ve lost their minds. “I can’t believe you all went to such expense for this golf game.

I slapped my wife on the butt and said, ‘Well babe, Merry Christmas! It’s a great morning for either sex or golf ‘

And she said . . . “Take a sweater.”

Golf Term “THE RIDER” – Funny Jokes

After a round of golf, four ladies sat around the club house chatting. Seeing the ladies, the Pro approached them and asked: “How did your game go? The first lady, a brunette, said she had a good round… making the comment that she actually had 25 riders. The Pro was a bit perplexed not knowing what a “Rider” was. The second was a blonde lady who quickly chimed in and said that she had a very good round as well with 16 riders. The third lady then said that her round was average and that she only had 10 riders. The fourth lady admitted that she played the worst round of the day and that she only had 2 riders all day long. The Pro was completely confused not knowing what the term “rider” meant. But, because he didn’t want to look dumb, he made a quick polite remark, wished the ladies well and then left. He then approached the bartender and asked “Hey, can you tell me what these ladies are talking about when they refer to “Riders”?” The bartender simply smiled and said…”A ‘Rider” is when you hit a shot long enough to ride on the golf cart to your ball.”

Ladies’ Golf – Funny Jokes

After a round of golf, four ladies sat around the club house chatting. Seeing the ladies, the Pro approached them and asked: “How did your game go? The first lady, a brunette, said she had a good round… making the comment that she actually had 25 riders. The Pro was a bit perplexed not knowing what a “Rider” was. The second was a blonde lady who quickly chimed in and said that she had a very good round as well with 16 riders. The third lady then said that her round was average and that she only had 10 riders. The fourth lady admitted that she played the worst round of the day and that she only had 2 riders all day long. The Pro was completely confused not knowing what the term “rider” meant. But, because he didn’t want to look dumb, he made a quick polite remark, wished the ladies well and then left. He then approached the bartender and asked “Hey, can you tell me what these ladies are talking about when they refer to “Riders”?” The bartender simply smiled and said…”A ‘Rider” is when you hit a shot long enough to ride on the golf cart to your ball.”

THE HIT MAN AT GOLF – Funny Jokes

Two old friends were just about to tee off at the first hole of their local golf course when a chap carrying a golf bag called out to them, “Do you mind if I join you? My partner didn’t turn up.” “Sure,” they said, “You’re welcome.” So they started playing and enjoyed the game and the company of the newcomer. Part way around the course, one of the friends asked the newcomer, “What do you do for a living?” “I’m a hit man,” was the reply. “You’re joking!” was the response. “No, I’m not,” he said, reaching into his golf bag, and pulling out a beautiful Martini sniper’s rifle with a large telescopic sight. “Here are my tools.” “That’s a beautiful telescopic sight,” said the other friend, “Can I take a look? I think I might be able to see my house from here.” So he picked up the rifle and looked through the sight in the direction of his house. “Yeah, I can see my house all right. This sight is fantastic. I can see right in the window.” “Wow, I can see my wife in the bedroom. Ha Ha, I can see she’s naked! What’s that? Wait a minute, that’s my neighbour in there with her …….. He’s naked as well! The bitch!” He turned to the hitman, “How much do you charge for a hit?” “I do a flat rate, for you, one thousand dollars every time I pull the trigger.” “Can you do two for me now?” “Sure, what do you want?” “First, shoot my wife, she’s always been mouthy, so shoot her in the mouth. Then the neighbor, he’s a mate of mine, a bit of a lad, so just shoot his dick off to teach him a lesson.” The hitman took the rifle and took aim, standing perfectly still for a few minutes. “Are you going to do it or not?” said the friend impatiently. “Just wait a moment, be patient,” said the hitman calmly, “I think I can save you a grand here…..”

WRONG HOLE – Funny Jokes

A man, while playing on the front nine of a complicated golf course, became confused as to where he was on the course. Looking around, he saw a lady playing ahead of him. He walked up to her, explained his confusion and asked her if she knew what hole he was playing. She replied, “I’m on the 7th hole, and you are a hole behind me, so you must be on the 6th hole.” He thanked her and went back to his golf. On the back nine the same thing happened; and he approached her again with the same request. She said, “I’m on the 14th hole, you are a hole behind me, so you must be on the 13th hole.” Once again he thanked her and returned to his play. He finished his round and went to the clubhouse where he saw the same lady sitting at the end of the bar. He asked the bartender if he knew the lady. The bartender said that she was a sales lady and played the course often. He approached her and said, “Let me buy you a drink in appreciation for your help. I understand that you are in the sales profession. I’m in sales, also. What do you sell?” She replied, “If I tell you, you’ll laugh.” “No, I won’t.” “Well, if you must know,” she answered, “I work for Tampax.” With that, he laughed so hard he almost lost his breath. She said, “See I knew you would laugh.” “That’s not what I’m laughing at,” he replied. “I’m a salesman for Preparation H, so I’m still a hole behind you!”

GOLF- FAITHFUL!!!!! – Funny Jokes

An elderly couple are sitting around one evening and the man says to his wife, “Marsha, we are about to celebrate our 60th wedding anniversary. We’ve had a wonderful life together, full of contentment and blessings. But there’s something I’ve always wondered about. Tell me the truth. Have you ever been unfaithful tome?” She hesitated a moment, then said, “Yes, Sidney, three times.” “Three times? How could that happen?” Sidney asks. Marsha replied, “Well, do you remember right after we were married and we were so broke that the bank was about to foreclose on our little house?” “Yes, dear, those were really difficult times,” replied Sidney. “And remember when I went to see the banker one night, and the next day the bank extended our loan?” Gosh, that’s really hard to take,” said Sidney. “But since things were so bad at the time, I guess I can forgive you. ¦¦¦¦¦.. What was the second time?” “Well,” Marsha continued, “do you remember years later when you almost died of that heart problem because we couldn’t afford an operation?” “Yes, of course,” said Sidney. “Then you will remember that right after I went to see the doctor, he performed the operation at no cost?” “Yes, I remember,” said Sidney, ” and as much as that shocks me, I do understand that you did what you did out of love for me, so I forgive you. So, what was the third time?” Marsha lowered her head and said, “Do you remember when you ran for president of your golf club and you needed 62 more votes?

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