The Translator – Funny Video Jokes

October 24, 2007

In this video, a translator is needed for a very important international corporate meeting. The guy is at the end of his rope looking for a translator… after all, he doesn’t want to loose the business. Thank goodness, a fine young lady comes to his rescue…

Men’s Antique Show – Funny Jokes

October 23, 2007

Modeling the tried and true format of the Antiques Road Show, some people in Britain have decided to create a new up and comer!

Men’s Antique Show

3 Good Manners of a Male – Funny Jokes

October 23, 2007

3 good manners of a male organ

1.Courteous-it stands before performance

2.Emotional-cries during performance.

3.Polite-it bows after performanced.

NYMPHOMANIACS OF AMERICA – Funny Jokes

October 20, 2007

A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in, he glanced up and saw the most beautiful woman boarding the plane.
He soon realized she was heading straight towards his seat. As fate would have it, she took the seat right beside his.
Eager to strike up a conversation he blurted out, “Business trip or pleasure?”

She turned, smiled and said, “Business. I’m going to the Annual Nymphomaniacs of America Convention in Boston.”

He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen sitting next to him, and she was going to a meeting of nymphomaniacs.

Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked,

“What’s your business role at this convention?”

“Lecturer,” she responded. “I use information that I have learned from my personal experiences to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality.”

“Really?” he said. “And what kind of myths are there?”

“Well,” she explained, “one popular myth is that African-American men are the most well-endowed of all men, when in fact it is the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait.

Another popular myth is that Frenchmen are the best lovers, when actually it is men of Jewish descent who are the best.

I have also discovered that the lover with absolutely the best stamina is the Southern Redneck.”

Suddenly the woman became a little uncomfortable and blushed. “I’m sorry,” she said, “I shouldn’t really be discussing all of this with you. I don’t even know your name.”

“Tonto,” the man said, “Tonto Goldstein, but my friends down south call me Bubba.”

FOUR GOLF OLD-TIMERS – Funny Jokes

October 20, 2007

Four old-timers were playing their weekly game of golf, and one remarked how nice it would be to wake up on Christmas morning, roll out of bed and without an argument go directly to the golf course, meet his buddies and play a round. His buddies all chimed in and said, “Let’s do it! We’ll make it a priority, figure out a way and meet here early Christmas morning.”
Months later, that special morning arrives, and there they are on the golf course.

The first guy says, “Boy this game cost me a fortune! I bought my wife such a diamond ring that she can’t take her eyes off it.”

Number 2 guy says, “I spent a ton, too. My wife is at home planning the cruise I gave her. She was up to her eyeballs in brochures.”

Number 3 guy says, “Well my wife is at home admiring her new car, reading the manual.”

They all turned to the last guy in the group who is staring at them like they’ve lost their minds. “I can’t believe you all went to such expense for this golf game.

I slapped my wife on the butt and said, ‘Well babe, Merry Christmas! It’s a great morning for either sex or golf ‘

And she said . . . “Take a sweater.”

SAGGY BOOB – FUNNY JOKES

October 20, 2007

One saggy boob said to the other saggy boob:
“If we don’t get some support soon, people will think we’re nuts.”

UNION RULES & HOOKERS – Funny Jokes

October 20, 2007

A dedicated Teamsters union worker was attending a convention in Las Vegas and decided to check out the local brothels. When he got to the first one, he asked the Madam, “Is this a union house?”
“No,” she replied, “I’m sorry it isn’t.”

“Well, if I pay you $100, what cut do the girls get?”

“The house gets $80 and the girls get $20,” she answered

Offended at such unfair dealings, the union man stomped off down the street in search of a more equitable, hopefully unionized shop. His search continued until finally he reached a brothel where the Madam responded, “Why yes sir, this is a union house.
We observe all union rules.”

The man asked, “And if I pay you $100, what cut do the girls get?” “The girls get $80 and the house gets $20.”

“That’s more like it!” the union man said.

He handed the Madam $100, looked around the room, and pointed to a stunningly attractive blonde.

“I’d like her,” he said.

“I’m sure you would, sir,” said the Madam. Then she gestured to a 92-year old woman in the corner,

“But Ethel here has 67 years seniority and according to union rules, she’s next.”

THE PENIS€™ REQUEST – Funny Jokes

October 20, 2007

I, the Penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:
I do physical labor.
I work at great depths.
I plunge headfirst into everything I do.
I do not get weekends or public holidays off.
I work in a damp environment.
I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation.
I work in high temperatures.
My work exposes me to contagious diseases.
Sincerely,
P. Niss
The Response:
Dear Penis:
After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised, the administration rejects your request for the following reasons:
You do not work 8 hours straight.
You fall asleep after brief work periods.
You do not always follow the orders of the management team.
You do not stay in your designated area and are often seen visiting other locations.
You do not take initiative – you need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working.
You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift.
You don’t always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing the correct protective clothing.
You will retire well before you are 65.
You are unable to work double shifts.
You sometimes leave your designated work area before you have completed the assigned task.
And if that were not all, you have been seen constantly entering and exiting the workplace carrying two suspicious-looking bags.

Sincerely,

V. Gina

Box Donation – Funny Jokes

October 20, 2007

A married Irishman went into the confessional and said to his priest,
“I almost had an affair with another woman.”

The priest said, “What do you mean, almost?”

The Irishman said, “Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, but then I stopped.”

The priest said, “Rubbing together is the same as putting it in.

You’re not to see that woman again.

For your penance, say five Hail Mary’s and put $50 in the poor box.”

The Irishman left the confessional, said his prayers, and then walked over to the poor box.

He paused for a moment and then started to leave.

The priest, who was watching, quickly ran over to him saying, “I saw that.

You didn’t put any money in the poor box!”

The Irishman replied, “Yeah, but I rubbed the $50 on the box, and according to you, that’s the same as putting it in!”

Lemon Squeeze – Funny Jokes

October 20, 2007

There once was a religious young woman who went to Confession.
Upon entering the confessional, she said, “Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.”

The priest said, “Confess your sins and be forgiven.”

The young woman said, “Last night my boy friend made mad, passionate love to me seven times.”

The priest thought long and hard and then said, “Squeeze seven lemons into a glass and then drink the juice.”

The young woman asked, “Will this cleanse me of my sins?”

The priest said, “No, but it will wipe that smile off of your face.”

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