Friends of Bornsilly

Funny Riddle…

You are on a Horse, galloping at a constant speed. On your right side is a sharp drop off. And on your left side is an Elephant traveling at the same speed as you. Directly in front of you is a galloping Kangaroo and your horse is unable to overtake it. Behind you is a Lion running at the same speed as you and the Kangaroo.

What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation?

Get your drunken ass off the merry-go-round.

You might be a redneck if

Your family tree doesn’t have any branches.

You Might Be A Red Neck If…

You stare at an orange juice container because it says, “CONCENTRATE”.

Parliamentary Cynicism

One morning a florist went to visit his local barbor. After his haircut, he went to pay, but the barber said ‘I’m doing community service this week and can’t accept your money’ The florist was happy and left the barbershop. The next morning the barber opened his door and there was a ‘thank you’ card with a dozen roses waiting for him.

Later that day, a police officer drops in for a haircut. When he tries to pay, the barber says, ‘I’m doing community service this week and can’t accept your money’ The officer is happy and leaves the shop. When the barber opens his shop the next morning, a ‘thank you’ card and a dozen donuts were behind the door waiting for him.

That same day a Member of Parliament comes in for his haircut. When he asks to pay, the barber again says, ‘I’m doing community service this week and can’t accept your money’ The MP is very happy and leaves the shop.

The next morning, when the barbershop opens, a dozen Members of Parliament are waiting for a free haircut.

The moral of our story… Politicians and diapers need to be changed often and for the same reason…

Tarzan Makes Love To Jane

After living alone in the the deep jungle for so many years, Tarzan had only spent quality time with the apes… When it came to sexual encounters, Tarzan often hunted for a tree that had a suitably sized hole…

One day a geologist named Jane was in Tarzan’s jungle, searching for her next big diamond. Deep in the wilds she came to an opening and stumbled upon Tarzan thrusting vigorously into a jungle vine tree… she quietly watched him…

After seeing his animal display of passion, Jane runs out into the clearing and lays down int he tall grass, offering herself openly… Tarzan runs over to Jane and gives her a massive kick to the crotch… In pain she screams “Why the hell did you do that?” … he replies “Tarzan always check for squirrels”

An Irish Toast

Mr. O’Mally lifts his beer and toasts “Here’s to spending me life, between the legs of me wife!”

For such a bold toast, he wins first prize at the pubs annual contest.

The same night O’Mally comes home and tells his lovely wife Mary “Love, I won first place for Best Toast of the year”. Mary asks “Did ya now? And what was your famous toast?” Mr. O’Mally replies “Here’s to spending me life, sittin in church with me wife.”

“Oh, that’s charming John” Mary says.

The next day, Mary bumps into John ‘s drinkin buddy down at the market. The man grins and says, “Hey Mary, O’Mally won the annual prize last night with a toast about you”.

Mary replies “Aye, I was a wee bit surprised myself. You know, he’s only gone down there twice in the last ten months. Once he fell asleep and the next time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come”.

Apparently, this won joke of the year in Ireland… they sure know how to tell jokes…

The Shrinks Observations

A shrink is conducting group therapy with three young mothers and their small children.

“You all have obsessions,” he observes.

He speaks to the first mother “You are obsessed with eating. You’ve even named your daughter Candy.”

He turns to the second mom “Your obsession is money. Again, it manifests itself in your child’s name, Penny.”

The third mother quickly gets up, takes her little boy by the hand and whispered, “Come on Dick, let’s get outta here.”

Alien’s Watching Golf

An alien spacecraft was in the sky over a golf course one sunny Sunday. Two aliens on break watched a single golfer in amazement.

The golfer shanked his tee shot, duffed his second into the rough, took two shots but unfortunately sliced the second into the bushes. He punched the ball a few times and it landed on the fairway.

The first alien says “he must be playing some sort of weird game” and with patients, they continued to watch.

The golfer snapped his next shot into the green-side bunker, took three shots to get it on to the green. FINALLY, after several putts, one finally ends it in the hole…

The second with a curious look on his face says “Wow, now he is in serious trouble!”

If you liked OR didn’t like this joke, please leave me your comments… I’ll continue to search for the funny good jokes… Your friend, BS

Hung Like a Horse

A horse and a chicken are playing in a meadow. The horse falls into a mud hole and is sinking. He calls to the chicken to go and get the farmer to help pull him out to safety. The chicken runs to the farm but the farmer can’t be found. So he drives the farmer’s Porsche back to the mud hole and ties some rope around the bumper. He then throws the other end of the rope to his friend, the horse, and drives the car forward saving him from sinking!

A few days later, the chicken and horse were playing in the meadow again and the chicken fell into the mud hole. The chicken yelled to the horse to go and get some help from the farmer. The horse said, “I think I can stand over the hole!” So he stretched over the width of the hole and said, “Grab for my ‘thingy’ and pull yourself up.” And the chicken did and pulled himself to safety.

The moral of the story:

If you are hung like a horse, you don’t need a Porsche to pick up chicks!

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